If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
