When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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