it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You made out with two different species that night
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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