you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
