How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
