with your own penis?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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