Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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