I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
