you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
