His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
