My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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