Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
