is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
