This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
