Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
