why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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