Dual....:-)
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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