what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
