The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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