I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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