i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
