it was like his penis was on wheels.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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