I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
