I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
