My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
