Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
