She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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