he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
