Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
