My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
