you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
