All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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