I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just pee around me
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
