quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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