remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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