I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
