If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
