We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
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Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
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He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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