my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
