like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize