good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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