am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
