Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
