So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
