i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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