I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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