Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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