I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
