I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
