I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize