called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
