please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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