if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
