terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
