He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
