fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
