i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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