Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
two words...techno handjob
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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