i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
They are going to name an STD after you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
