Ambien. No doubt about it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
