We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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